dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
