were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
