The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
