Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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