My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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