You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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