he thought i was a dude.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
