does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
