I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
