My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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