I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
