____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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