I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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