its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
3 2 1 whiskey
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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