don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
