What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
