I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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