..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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