I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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