Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
