why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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