That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
