My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
