I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
