idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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