The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
