If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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