i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
