I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
