I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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