My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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