i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
