Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
