I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
