I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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