We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
