So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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