farters have to be the big spoon...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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