u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
