He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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