so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This toilet bowl is my home.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
