all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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