The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
