he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
