Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
