I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
