i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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