I smell stomach acid.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
