New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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