A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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