he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
