Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
