Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
