im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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