Can i not drive my cunt home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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