Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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