yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who died my cat blue again?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
