all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize