he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
