guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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