listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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