Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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