Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i need some magic done to my vagina
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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